As a mother, I have several theories, concepts and observations I have developed as a result of experience and simple trial and error. One of my observations, I suppose you could call it, is the ‘K-Mart Fit’.
All of my kids had a K-Mart Fit. They occurred at ages two to four, after the first two, I was prepared and knew how to deal with the display. What is it? Well, you have your child in a public place (my first two kids did this at K-Mart) and they decide they are going to draw a line in the sand, so to speak. They find something to make an issue of, be it that they want out of the buggy or need a toy or some gum or a flat screen TV, and they find out just how far they can go, how hard they can push your buttons, before you stand up and say, “Right here, you found my limit, this is how far I will go before I push back.”
How I dealt with my four K-Mart fits isn’t pretty, it involves public embarrassment. Suffice to say, each of my kids only did this once.
But, it is a lesson we all must learn. Some of us learn this lesson too well, to the point of becoming a wimp. Some never really do get the concept, these are the people you see cursing at police officers, having arguments with their spouses in public and generally cutting off their nose to spite their face, so to speak.
However, that being said, most adults have a small part of them that will inevitably throw a K-Mart fit every now and again.
We rebel against what we hold dear, we spit into the wind, we push the buttons of someone in our lives. Not because we don’t love them, but because we do. If we didn’t care about them, if we weren’t close enough, we wouldn’t know what buttons would get a reaction, wouldn’t know if indeed there were buttons.
Why? Well, insecurities, of course. Why does a child throw a fit? To find out how much, or how little, you care. Is it enough to stand up and say you cannot do this, I won’t have it, it is not acceptable to treat me this way? Because, lets face it, if someone you don’t care about throws a fit, who cares? You wait for them to get over it, or not, and go on about your business. It doesn’t get a reaction from you; they don’t merit it.
But if someone we do care for, whose opinion we respect, if a person we love says or does something we find unacceptable, it does get our attention. After all, only a person who is close enough to you has access to your buttons, someone who knows you well enough to know which ones to push.
Kind of like having a tender spot on our bodies we can’t keep our hands off, or when someone says “don’t look”, human nature kicks in and you can’t help yourself. You push away the very people you want to be close.
Just to see if they will push back in order to stay near.
Sometimes we throw a K-Mart fit just to see if anyone cares enough to take us out to the parking lot.
It is immature, it is childish, no one is proud of themselves when they realize they are stomping their feet with their hands on their hips. We will find excuses, much as a mother will do for a child. Instead of “she didn’t get her nap today” we say “I was tired/stressed/broke/ill or I wouldn’t have behaved so badly.” Or maybe we will simply ignore it, act as if it never happened.
But, that doesn’t always work. Sometimes people will call us on it, point out that they will go so far, but no further. Which, after all, is what we wanted to begin with: validation.
The best we can do is take the lesson, gain from each fit, try to refrain from throwing another. If we push someone hard enough, we may in fact lose them. That is a hard lesson to learn, a bitter pill to swallow, but at least we know how much they do and do not care. How much they can tolerate, which buttons are in fact the OFF switches.
We learn unconditional love is rare, and not very good for us. Adults, like children, need to realize there are boundaries. You can only poke the bear so many times before he takes your head off, or leaves you alone in the cave.
Or standing in the middle of K-Mart, screaming at no one.
All of my kids had a K-Mart Fit. They occurred at ages two to four, after the first two, I was prepared and knew how to deal with the display. What is it? Well, you have your child in a public place (my first two kids did this at K-Mart) and they decide they are going to draw a line in the sand, so to speak. They find something to make an issue of, be it that they want out of the buggy or need a toy or some gum or a flat screen TV, and they find out just how far they can go, how hard they can push your buttons, before you stand up and say, “Right here, you found my limit, this is how far I will go before I push back.”
How I dealt with my four K-Mart fits isn’t pretty, it involves public embarrassment. Suffice to say, each of my kids only did this once.
But, it is a lesson we all must learn. Some of us learn this lesson too well, to the point of becoming a wimp. Some never really do get the concept, these are the people you see cursing at police officers, having arguments with their spouses in public and generally cutting off their nose to spite their face, so to speak.
However, that being said, most adults have a small part of them that will inevitably throw a K-Mart fit every now and again.
We rebel against what we hold dear, we spit into the wind, we push the buttons of someone in our lives. Not because we don’t love them, but because we do. If we didn’t care about them, if we weren’t close enough, we wouldn’t know what buttons would get a reaction, wouldn’t know if indeed there were buttons.
Why? Well, insecurities, of course. Why does a child throw a fit? To find out how much, or how little, you care. Is it enough to stand up and say you cannot do this, I won’t have it, it is not acceptable to treat me this way? Because, lets face it, if someone you don’t care about throws a fit, who cares? You wait for them to get over it, or not, and go on about your business. It doesn’t get a reaction from you; they don’t merit it.
But if someone we do care for, whose opinion we respect, if a person we love says or does something we find unacceptable, it does get our attention. After all, only a person who is close enough to you has access to your buttons, someone who knows you well enough to know which ones to push.
Kind of like having a tender spot on our bodies we can’t keep our hands off, or when someone says “don’t look”, human nature kicks in and you can’t help yourself. You push away the very people you want to be close.
Just to see if they will push back in order to stay near.
Sometimes we throw a K-Mart fit just to see if anyone cares enough to take us out to the parking lot.
It is immature, it is childish, no one is proud of themselves when they realize they are stomping their feet with their hands on their hips. We will find excuses, much as a mother will do for a child. Instead of “she didn’t get her nap today” we say “I was tired/stressed/broke/ill or I wouldn’t have behaved so badly.” Or maybe we will simply ignore it, act as if it never happened.
But, that doesn’t always work. Sometimes people will call us on it, point out that they will go so far, but no further. Which, after all, is what we wanted to begin with: validation.
The best we can do is take the lesson, gain from each fit, try to refrain from throwing another. If we push someone hard enough, we may in fact lose them. That is a hard lesson to learn, a bitter pill to swallow, but at least we know how much they do and do not care. How much they can tolerate, which buttons are in fact the OFF switches.
We learn unconditional love is rare, and not very good for us. Adults, like children, need to realize there are boundaries. You can only poke the bear so many times before he takes your head off, or leaves you alone in the cave.
Or standing in the middle of K-Mart, screaming at no one.
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