W.W.M.B.D.?

Every man should know that his conversations, his correspondence, and his personal life are private. I have urged Congress except when the Nations security is at stake to take action to that end.
-Lyndon B. Johnson

It has been said there are no outstanding candidates from the pool of people seeking the Republican nomination for the Presidential election of 2012. And I have had to agree, no one really stood head and shoulders above the rest. Palin and Trump were both interesting for about 42 seconds, Herman Cain seems to think legislation should fit on a cereal box, the rest had one or two points to make, but nothing that got my attention.
Until now.
Michele Bachman has apparently decided what is wrong with the country, and how to fix it. Eureka! Its not a fix for the economy, or a breakthrough in the energy crisis. She hasn’t found a way to end terrorism, or bring U.S. troops home without causing a major international blow-out. Oh no, she has found a way to solve all these problems, with one idea: marriage.
That’s right my little chickadees. Michele has got it going on! She has traced every social and political ill in our country, indeed the world, back to people not getting married. Heterosexual monogamous relationships will cure what ails us! Somebody say amen!
Michele is so sure of what will help us that she has offered, to those who want to lead us, a tool in the battle against everything that is not what she is - the Family Leader Pledge.
It is a contract of sorts. First it begins by explaining that in one respect African American babies born into slavery were better off than Black babies born today, in that they usually lived with both parents. I mean, the country needs to know this! I know I for one was unaware that slavery is comparable to living in a single parent home.
The pledge then goes on to explain that poverty is caused by the lack of marriage, not the lack of money. The divorce rate is costing the American taxpayer, Michele says. burdening the legal system, and generally becoming a pain in the neck.
And homosexuality? It is wrecking marriage. Gays getting married is worse than straights NOT getting married. It “debases the currency of marriage.” As do people who get married, but don’t do it right.
Adultery, quickie divorce, unwed cheating, exemplary infidelity (?) homosexual behavior in general and promiscuity in particular, all these terms are in the pledge. These are the issues that have made out country what it is: spoiled, fat, poor and judgemental.
See, and you thought it was Jerry Springer.
So the pledge asks that anyone who considers running for office promise not to do these things. Apparently promising your spouse, your opposite sex, legally recognized spouse, that you will remain faithful isn’t enough. You have to promise the world you will be sexually faithful as well.
I suppose that means they promise to be straight and get married, remain faithful, and go forth and multiply. Because the pledge says, “robust childbearing  and reproduction is beneficial
to U.S.demographic, economic, strategic and actuarial health and security.”  It also points out inherent danger in “intrusively commingling among attracteds.”
Honest, it says those things, you can’t make this stuff up.
There really isn’t much for make fun of here. The fun is already made, all we need do is laugh at it. Because it is so completely ridiculous, so off the wall insane that it will be reduced to a grab bag for jokes, it’s low hanging fruit.
No need to point out some of the notable people in history who would not have been allowed to make their contribution to the world if this pledge were used as a screening tool. But, if I was going to do that, I would mention Thomas Jefferson, Alexander the Great, Franklin Roosevelt and every Ceasar in the history of the Roman Empire.
But really, is that the point? As far as I can tell, the point she is trying to make is to point out the shenanigans of other politicians, thereby making herself look good by making the competition look bad. Apparently she can’t do this based on her policies or platform or ideas, so she will win the confidence of American voters by pointing out the lack of moral fiber of her opponents, indicated by their failure to legally marry, produce progeny and remain faithful. Because everyone knows that will ensure your ability to deal with the issue of the debt ceiling, duh.
Actually, in the interest of saving time, I am thankful Michele Bachman for this agreement. It is a litmus test of sorts, really. If this is what she thinks should screen out potential presidential candidates, I think it’s pretty safe to say her judgment is a bit suspect, common sense nonexistent and political and media savvy questionable.
So, bring on the adulterers, philanderers, homosexuals, co-habitators and childless couples of all kinds. Let us pass Michele’s judgement on these scourges of American life, and base our decision on who should lead us in these difficult times (which times are not difficult?) on their willingness to live their private lives according to her sexual moral code.
Our Founding Fathers may not have followed it, but, hey, they were no Michele Bachman.